'It's All in Your Head': Dismantling Medical Gaslighting for Women in Pain

Why women's pain is dismissed and how to demand better care

By Ani Papazyan, BS, LMT, CN, LE

Ani Papazyan helps women decode their pain signals and reclaim nervous system regulation, transforming chronic sufferers into pain-free, empowered advocates for their own healing through her evidence-based Liberation Ladder framework.

The Words That Shatter Your Reality

"Maybe you're just stressed. Have you tried yoga?"

The doctor barely looked up from his computer screen. Sarah sat on the examination table, her body trembling from months of unexplained pain that radiated through her joints, a burning sensation in her chest, and fatigue so profound that getting dressed felt like climbing Mount Everest.

"But doctor," she whispered, "I can barely function. Something is really wrong."

He finally looked at her, the look. The one that said she was being dramatic, seeking attention, or worse, making it all up.

"Your labs are normal. Your scans are clear. Sometimes women your age just need to learn to manage stress better. I can prescribe an antidepressant if you'd like."

Sarah left that appointment feeling smaller than she'd ever felt in her life. Not only was she still in excruciating pain, but now she questioned her own sanity. Was she making this up? Was she just weak? Was this really all in her head?

If this story sounds familiar, you're not alone. You're not crazy. And what you're experiencing has a name: medical gaslighting.

The Invisible Epidemic Hiding in Plain Sight

Medical gaslighting is the systematic dismissal, minimization, or misattribution of women's pain and symptoms by healthcare providers. It's not just individual doctors having bad days, it's a pervasive pattern rooted in centuries of medical bias that treats women's bodies as hysterical mysteries rather than complex, intelligent systems worthy of investigation.

Research shows that women wait significantly longer than men for pain medication in emergency departments. In one large study of patients with acute abdominal pain, women waited an average of 65 minutes compared to 49 minutes for men.

But here's what the statistics don't capture: the soul-crushing impact of being told your lived experience isn't real. The way medical dismissal creates additional trauma that gets stored in your nervous system, often making your original pain worse. The months or years of self-doubt that follow when someone in a white coat suggests you're imagining your suffering.

The Neuroscience of Dismissal: What Happens in Your Body

When a healthcare provider dismisses or minimizes your pain, your nervous system perceives this as a threat, not just emotionally, but physiologically.

Your sympathetic nervous system kicks into high gear, triggering a fight-or-flight response and releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. At the same time, activity in the vagus nerve, a key component of your parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) system, can decrease, making it harder to regulate emotions, digestion, heart rate, and inflammation.

This is not just “hurt feelings.” This is a neurobiological stress response that can amplify pain and contribute to long-term nervous system dysregulation.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in The Body Keeps the Score, describes how experiences of being unseen or invalidated, especially by authority figures, can encode deep patterns of dysregulation in the brain and body. These patterns don’t just affect how we feel emotionally; they shape how our body processes pain, safety, and healing.

In my practice, I've seen how medical gaslighting creates what I call the "Dismissal Spiral":

Stage 1: Symptom Emergence → Your body creates pain as intelligent communication
Stage 2: Seeking Help → You courageously reach out to healthcare providers
Stage 3: Dismissal Trauma → Your experience is minimized or invalidated
Stage 4: Internal Questioning → You begin to doubt your own perceptions
Stage 5: Nervous System Dysregulation → Stress compounds your original symptoms
Stage 6: Symptom Amplification → Pain increases, creating more desperate seeking

Breaking this spiral requires understanding that medical gaslighting isn't about your pain being "real" or "imaginary", it's about reclaiming your authority as the expert on your own body.

The Historical Roots of Women's Pain Dismissal

Medical gaslighting doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it’s rooted in a long, patriarchal history of dismissing women’s bodies.

The Hysteria Legacy
For over 2,000 years, women’s pain was labeled “hysteria,” from hystera, meaning womb. Ancient physicians believed the uterus could literally “wander” the body, causing chaos. Treatments ranged from institutionalization to pelvic massage, yes, really. Though the term has been retired, the idea that women’s pain is “emotional” still echoes in modern exam rooms.

The Gender Research Gap
Medical research excluded women for most of modern history, dismissing them as “too hormonal” and complicated. As a result, much of what we know about diagnosis and treatment is based on male physiology. Heart attacks are a striking example: because women’s symptoms often differ (jaw pain, nausea, fatigue), they were frequently misdiagnosed or ignored, sometimes fatally.

The Dismissal of “Invisible” Illnesses
Conditions like fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, endometriosis, and autoimmune diseases, most of which disproportionately affect women, were long considered “wastebasket diagnoses” for difficult patients. This systemic dismissal leads to real harm. Women with endometriosis often face diagnostic delays averaging 7–10 years, with many being told their pain is just “normal cramps” during that time.

The Physiology of Pain: Why Women's Pain Is Different

Understanding why women's pain experiences are genuinely different from men's can help you advocate for appropriate care and stop internalizing dismissive messages.

Hormonal Influences on Pain Processing

Estrogen and progesterone directly affect pain sensitivity and processing. During different phases of your menstrual cycle, your pain threshold changes dramatically. This isn't weakness, it's neurobiology.

Research shows that estrogen can both amplify and reduce pain signals, depending on its concentration and the type of pain. During perimenopause and menopause, when estrogen levels fluctuate wildly, many women experience increased pain sensitivity. This isn't "aging", it's a measurable neurological phenomenon that requires different treatment approaches.

The Nervous System Gender Divide

Women’s nervous systems aren’t just different, they’re more finely tuned. Research suggests women often have higher nerve fiber density in the skin, contributing to greater sensitivity to physical sensations, including pain. Our stress response systems are also more reactive and influenced by hormonal shifts, making us more susceptible to conditions involving nervous system dysregulation, like fibromyalgia, migraines, and anxiety disorders.

Yet instead of being recognized as legitimate neurological differences, this sensitivity is too often dismissed as “overreacting” or “emotional”, a misinterpretation that delays diagnosis and proper care.

Autoimmune and Inflammatory Patterns

Approximately 80% of autoimmune diseases occur in women. These conditions involve the immune system attacking healthy tissue, often creating widespread pain that's difficult to pinpoint or categorize. Traditional medicine struggles with these complex, multi-system presentations, often defaulting to dismissal rather than investigation.

The Sacred Art of Self-Advocacy: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Healthcare

Indigenous cultures understood that healing requires partnership between the seeker and the healer. You weren't a passive recipient of care, you were an active participant in your own restoration. This ancient principle of collaborative healing can transform your modern healthcare experiences.

The Medicine of Preparation: Ceremonial Self-Advocacy

In many Native traditions, seekers would prepare for healing ceremonies through ritual cleansing, intention setting, and community support. You can adapt this wisdom for medical appointments:

The Night Before Ritual:

• Cleanse your energy through sage burning or sea salt baths
• Write down your symptoms, their patterns, and your intuitive sense of what's happening
• Call upon your ancestors or spiritual guides for strength and clarity
• Set the intention that you will be heard and believed

The Morning Of Preparation:

• Eat grounding foods like root vegetables or bone broth
• Practice breath work to regulate your nervous system
• Dress in clothes that make you feel powerful and worthy of respect
• Bring a trusted advocate if possible, Indigenous cultures knew healing happened in community

The Language of Authority: Speaking Your Truth with Power

Ancient healing traditions honored both direct communication and metaphorical language. You can blend both approaches in medical settings:

Direct Authority Statements:

• "I need this documented in my chart."
• "I'm experiencing daily symptoms that significantly impact my quality of life."
• "I'd like to explore all possible causes for these symptoms."
• "I'm not comfortable accepting 'stress' as a complete explanation."

Metaphorical Truth-Telling:

• "My body feels like it's speaking a language I don't understand, and I need help translating."
• "Something in my system is out of balance, and I can feel it crying out for attention."
• "My energy feels like a river that's been dammed, something is blocking my natural flow."

The Witness Protection Practice

Many Indigenous cultures included witnesses in healing ceremonies to ensure the seeker's experience was honored and remembered. Bring this wisdom to your healthcare:

• Always bring someone to important appointments when possible
• Ask for copies of all notes and test results
• Record appointments when legal (check your state laws)
• Follow up challenging interactions with written summaries sent to the provider

Evidence-Based Strategies for Medical Self-Advocacy

The Documentation Protocol

Research shows that documented symptoms are taken more seriously than verbal reports. Create a comprehensive record system:

Daily Symptom Tracking:

• Time of day symptoms occur
• Intensity rating (1-10 scale)
• Duration and quality of pain
• Associated symptoms (fatigue, brain fog, digestive issues)
• Potential triggers (stress, food, weather, activities)
• What helps or worsens symptoms

Pattern Recognition:

• Monthly cycles and hormone connections
• Weather pattern correlations
• Stress and symptom relationships
• Sleep quality impacts
• Diet and inflammation connections

The Preparation Checklist

Before Every Appointment:

Physical Preparation:

• Complete symptom summary covering the past month
• List of all current medications and supplements
• Family history of similar conditions
• Previous test results and their dates
• Insurance information and referral requirements

Emotional Preparation:

• Practice stating your symptoms clearly and confidently
• Prepare for potential dismissal by rehearsing responses
• Identify your non-negotiable needs for this appointment
• Connect with your support system before and after

Spiritual Preparation:

• Ground yourself in your inherent worth and dignity
• Remember that you are the expert on your own experience
• Set the intention to remain centered regardless of the provider's response
• Call upon whatever spiritual resources support your strength

The During-Appointment Mastery

Opening Strong: "I'm experiencing [specific symptoms] that began [timeframe] and are significantly impacting my [work/relationships/daily functioning]. I've tracked patterns and noticed [specific observations]. I'm here because I believe something in my body needs attention and support."

Maintaining Authority:

• Sit or stand with confident posture
• Make eye contact when speaking
• Use specific, medical terminology when possible
• Ask questions about their reasoning and treatment plans

Managing Dismissal: If you hear dismissive responses:

• "I understand you may not have immediate answers, but I need us to work together to figure this out."
• "I'd like you to document that I'm reporting [specific symptoms] and that we're continuing to investigate."
• "What other specialists or tests might help us understand what's happening?"
• "I'm not comfortable leaving without a clear next step for investigation."

Closing with Power:

• Summarize what was discussed and agreed upon
• Confirm next steps and timelines
• Request copies of all notes and test orders
• Schedule follow-up appointments before leaving

The Sacred Science of Nervous System Regulation

Ancient healing traditions understood that true healing required a calm, regulated nervous system. Modern neuroscience proves they were right. When your nervous system is activated from medical trauma, your body can't receive healing, it's too busy protecting itself.

The Vagus Nerve Reset: Ancient Breathwork for Modern Healing

The vagus nerve is your body's built-in reset button. Indigenous cultures developed breathwork practices that we now know stimulate vagal tone and promote healing states.

The Four-Directions Breath (Adapted from Native American traditions):

• Face East, inhale for 4 counts (new beginnings)
• Face South, hold for 4 counts (growth and expansion)
• Face West, exhale for 6 counts (release and letting go)
• Face North, hold empty for 2 counts (wisdom and integration)

Repeat this sequence 4-8 times before and after medical appointments to maintain nervous system regulation.

The Ocean Breath (From Ayurvedic Pranayama):

• Breathe in and out through your nose only
• Create a soft "ocean" sound by slightly constricting your throat
• Make your exhale longer than your inhale
• This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and creates internal calm

Somatic Trauma Release for Medical Gaslighting

Medical dismissal creates trauma that gets stored in your body. These practices help release that stored energy:

The Shake Release (Inspired by Aboriginal practices): Animals naturally shake after escaping predators to discharge trauma energy. You can use this wisdom:

• Stand with feet hip-width apart
• Begin gentle bouncing on the balls of your feet
• Let the movement travel up through your body
• Allow natural shaking or trembling to occur
• Continue for 3-5 minutes or until you feel calmer

The Voice Liberation Practice: Many women lose their voice after medical gaslighting. Reclaim it:

• Find a private space where you can make noise
• Begin with gentle humming or sighing
• Gradually increase volume and intensity
• Allow any sounds that want to emerge, groaning, crying, shouting
• This activates your vagus nerve and releases stored emotions

Building Your Healing Dream Team: Finding Providers Who See You

Not all healthcare providers perpetuate medical gaslighting. Learning to identify and seek out those who honor women's experiences can transform your healing journey.

Green Flags: Providers Who Get It

During Initial Consultation:

• They ask about your stress levels, trauma history, and life circumstances
• They listen more than they talk
• They acknowledge the complexity of your symptoms without dismissal
• They're familiar with conditions that disproportionately affect women
• They discuss the mind-body connection without implying symptoms are "just psychological"

In Their Treatment Approach:

• They consider hormonal influences on your symptoms
• They're knowledgeable about nervous system function
• They work collaboratively rather than authoritatively
• They're willing to say "I don't know" and refer to specialists
• They validate your experience even when they can't immediately explain it

In Their Communication Style:

• They use phrases like "What do you think is happening?" and "Tell me more about that"
• They avoid dismissive language like "just stress" or "normal aging"
• They explain their reasoning for tests and treatments
• They respond to questions with patience and respect
• They follow up on concerning symptoms

Red Flags: Providers to Avoid

Immediate Red Flags:

• Interrupting you within the first 30 seconds of describing symptoms
• Attributing multiple symptoms to "stress" without investigation
• Suggesting psychiatric medication as a first-line treatment for unexplained physical symptoms
• Dismissing symptoms because "tests are normal"
• Using phrases like "women your age" or "some people are just more sensitive"

Concerning Patterns:

• Consistently running late and rushing through appointments
• Defensive responses when you ask questions
• Refusing to document concerning symptoms
• Suggesting that you're seeking attention or medication
• Dismissing your research or self-advocacy as "looking things up on the internet"

The Provider Interview Process

Treat finding good healthcare providers like hiring employees for your healing team. You're the CEO of your own health, and you get to choose who works for you.

Questions to Ask Potential Providers:

• "How do you typically approach unexplained or complex symptoms?"
• "What's your experience treating women with [your condition]?"
• "How do you feel about patients who come prepared with research and questions?"
• "What role do you see stress and trauma playing in physical symptoms?"
• "How do you handle situations where you're not sure what's causing someone's symptoms?"

Trust Your Nervous System:

• How does your body feel in their presence?
• Do you feel heard and respected during the conversation?
• Are you comfortable asking questions and expressing concerns?
• Do you leave feeling hopeful and supported, or dismissed and confused?

The Integration: Where Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Medicine

The most powerful healing happens when we integrate the best of both worlds, ancient wisdom and modern science, traditional healing and contemporary medicine.

Creating Your Personal Medicine Bundle

Indigenous cultures created medicine bundles; collections of sacred objects that supported healing and protection. Create your own medical advocacy bundle:

Physical Items:

• A small stone or crystal for grounding during appointments
• Essential oils for nervous system regulation (lavender, frankincense)
• A piece of jewelry that reminds you of your strength
• Photos of loved ones who believe in you
• A notebook dedicated to your healing journey

Energetic Items:

• Affirmations that remind you of your worth
• Visualization practices that connect you to your inner healer
• Breathing techniques for nervous system regulation
• Prayers or intentions for your healing
• The names and contact information of your support team

The Daily Practice of Medical Self-Advocacy

Medical gaslighting recovery isn't just about better healthcare encounters, it's about rebuilding trust with your own perceptions and body wisdom.

Morning Ritual:

• Place your hands on your heart and acknowledge your body's intelligence
• Set an intention to listen to and honor your body's signals throughout the day
• Practice three minutes of breath work to regulate your nervous system
• Remind yourself: "I am the expert on my own experience"

Evening Integration:

• Review any symptoms or sensations you noticed during the day
• Thank your body for its communication, even if the messages are uncomfortable
• Practice gratitude for your courage in seeking healing
• Release any medical trauma from the day through movement, breath, or sound

Your Liberation Pathway: From Dismissed to Empowered

Healing from medical gaslighting is a journey, not a destination. Like the spiral patterns found in nature and sacred geometry, this path curves back on itself, allowing you to revisit and integrate lessons at deeper levels.

Phase 1: Recognition and Validation

The Awakening:

• Recognizing that medical dismissal is a systemic problem, not a personal failing
• Understanding that your symptoms are real and valid, regardless of test results
• Beginning to trust your own perceptions again
• Finding community with other women who've had similar experiences

Tools for This Phase:

• Journaling about your medical experiences without editing or censoring
• Connecting with online communities for your specific condition
• Reading books and resources that validate your experience
• Beginning gentle nervous system regulation practices

Phase 2: Education and Empowerment

The Learning:

• Understanding the neuroscience behind your symptoms
• Learning the language of medical self-advocacy
• Developing skills for preparing for and navigating medical appointments
• Building your knowledge about your specific condition or symptoms

Tools for This Phase:

• Research from reputable medical sources
• Self-advocacy workshops or support groups
• Working with patient advocates or health coaches
• Developing your personal symptom tracking system

Phase 3: Implementation and Integration

The Practice:

• Actively seeking providers who align with your values and needs
• Confidently advocating for yourself in medical settings
• Integrating nervous system regulation into your daily life
• Building a comprehensive healing team that honors your complexity

Tools for This Phase:

• Provider interviews and consultations
• Regular nervous system regulation practices
• Community building with like-minded individuals
• Ongoing education about holistic healing approaches

Phase 4: Liberation and Leadership

The Transformation:

• Feeling confident and empowered in medical settings
• Trusting your body's wisdom and your own perceptions
• Supporting other women in their advocacy journeys
• Potentially becoming a voice for change in healthcare

Tools for This Phase:

• Mentoring other women in medical self-advocacy
• Sharing your story to create awareness about medical gaslighting
• Advocating for systemic changes in healthcare
• Continuing your own healing journey with confidence and joy

The Ripple Effect: How Your Healing Changes Everything

Every time you refuse to accept dismissive treatment, you create ripples that extend far beyond your own healing journey. You're changing the conversation for every woman who comes after you.

For Your Daughters and Granddaughters

When you model medical self-advocacy, you teach the next generation that their voices matter. You show them that their bodies are worthy of care, attention, and respect. You break generational patterns of silencing and shame around women's health experiences.

For Your Community

As you heal from medical gaslighting, you become a beacon of hope for other women struggling with similar experiences. Your courage to speak up and demand better care creates space for others to do the same.

For the Healthcare System

Every provider who learns to truly listen to women's experiences becomes better equipped to serve all patients. Your advocacy doesn't just help you, it helps educate healthcare providers about the real impact of dismissal and the importance of validation in healing.

Beginning Your Journey: Your Next Sacred Step

If you've made it this far, something in your soul recognizes that you deserve better care. That recognition is the beginning of your liberation.

Your body has been speaking to you in the language of symptoms, trying to guide you toward healing. Medical gaslighting taught you to doubt that inner voice, but you can learn to trust it again.

Your body isn't broken, it's brilliant.
Your pain isn't punishment, it's communication.
Your healing isn't hopeless, it's possible.

The path forward isn't about becoming a different person. It's about remembering who you've always been: a powerful, intuitive woman whose experience matters, whose voice deserves to be heard, and whose healing is not only possible but inevitable.

You are not too sensitive. You are not imagining things. You are not making it up.

You are a woman whose body is speaking, and it's time the world learned to listen.

Ready to shift the way you understand pain? Download my free guide “7 Myths About Pain That Are Keeping You Stuck” and uncover how nervous system–informed healing can help you break cycles and reclaim ease in your body.

[Get Your Free Guide Here]

About the Author: Ani Papazyan, BS, LMT, CN, LE, has spent over 30 years helping women decode their pain signals and reclaim nervous system regulation. Drawing from advanced pain resolution techniques, functional nutrition, and nervous system–supportive practices, she guides clients from chronic suffering to pain-free empowerment through her evidence-based Liberation Ladder™ framework. Her work has been recognized by Science of Massage Online Publication as "Best Case of the Year," and she has supported world-class performers including Janet Jackson's world tours.

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Medical Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only and should not replace professional medical advice. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals before making changes to your treatment plan, especially if you have existing conditions or take medications. Individual results vary significantly.